Balbas

Sa mga hindi nakakakita sa akin nang matagal na, hindi pa ako nag-aahit, mga magtatatlong linggo na.As in hindi lang balbas, pati bigote at sideburns. Intentionally untidy ang mukha ko. Tuloy, ang mga tanong ng mga kaibigan, estudyante, at katrabaho.

***
Co-Faculty1: Sir, bakit naman ganyan ang hitsura mo?
Zaldy: Bakit?
Co-Faculty1: Ang pangit kasi pag ang haba ng balbas mo.
Zaldy: Lalo naman siguro ikaw, pag may balbas...
Co-Faculty1&2: hahaha!

***
Student1: Hi sir! May klase ka?
Zaldy: Wala pa.
Student 2: Ano'ng oras?
Zaldy: 2:30 pa nga eh, kakainip.
Student 2: Ahh...
Student1: Ano ba yan sir, ang amos mo na!
Zaldy: Ha? Amos ka dyan, hindi naman ako kumain.
Student2: Hindi yun, mag-ahit ka na kasi.
Zaldy: Pengeng pambili ng pang-ahit.
Student1: Nge!
Zaldy: Wala ka pala eh...
Student1: Pa-beso na lang.
Zaldy: Ha?
Student1: Sige na!
(rolls eyes and concedes)

***

(Sa bilihan ng banana que)

Teenage Friend(TF): Hi sir!
Zaldy: Hello girl.
TF: Kumusta naman yang banana que mo sir?
Zaldy: Drop that "sir", kilala mo na kaya ako noon pa bago ako maging prof.
TF: Hmp, ok.
Zaldy: Yan.
TF: Bakit naman ganyan ang mukha mo?
Zaldy: Bakit, may dumi?
TF: Maduming tingnan!
Zaldy: How?
TF: Ayan o! (holds zaldy's face, pulls him near a little) Ang gaspang na kaya. Mag-ahit ka na kasi...
Zaldy: (reflexively holds her waist, then checks himself) Yes, yes, I'd get to that some other time.
TF: Promise?
Zaldy: Promise. Oh ayan na yung tita mo, sumabay ka na (removes her hands)
TF: Ok! bye!
Zaldy: Bye.

***

Zaldy: Hoy babaeng lupa! May sayaw ba kayo?
Girl: Oo sir, sa 3. Nuod ka ha! Di ka nanuod nung sa convention center, dapat doon manuod ka.
Zaldy: Saan ba? A que hora?
Girl: Ha? sa Enverga gym. Hapon daw eh. Wag mo nga akong gamitan ng spanish.
Zaldy: Hayaan mo na, mukha ka namang Española.
Girl: Bakit ganyan hitsura mo?
Zaldy: Ha?
Girl: Mag-ahit ka na kaya...
Zaldy: Wala ngang pambili ng pang-ahit.
Girl: Magkano ba yun?
Zaldy: Php260. Yung Gilette Mach 3.
Girl: Sosyal! Hahaha
Zaldy: hahaha. Mag-aahit ako sa bertdey ko.
Girl: Kailan naman yun?
Zaldy: Sa May, hahaha
Girl: Hindi nga?
Zaldy: Sa December.
Girl: Talaga? Lapit na ah, anong date?
Zaldy: Basta mga 3 weeks from now.
Girl: SIge tingnan ko sa friendster.
Zaldy: Bye. May klase na ako.
Girl: Bye sir!

***

Mabuti na lang at hindi pa ako namememohan ng admin namin dahil sa hitsura ko. Hell, nagagawa ko naman ang trabaho ko kahit balasarado ako ah!

Dread

This entry is in response to Arvin’s latest post, kind of.

IMAGINE THIS:

You're in your room, alone. With you is a 6-inch knife. You hold it and point it to yourself, your gut. Then you tell yourself, "What if I stab myself? What would happen? So what? Is there something to stop me from doing so?"

Nothing is holding you back. It's risk. It's freedom. It’s dreadful.

***

There are times that we feel paradoxically upset and scared when we are faced with something and that we have to act upon it. Especially if we have absolutely NO ONE to blame for it, no one accountable for that action, that if we mess up we’ll be the one in deep shit. Paradoxically because, most of us consciously think that we don’t need and we don’t want other people controlling our lives. What most people don’t realize is that its anguish when there’s no one accountable for our own actions, if we would be the only one blamable.

It’s terrible if nothing’s predetermined, horrible if there’s nothing to stop us from committing something, awful if on our every action, we’re all ALONE.

That is why many people would rather follow blindly the dictates of society, not realizing, or even thinking, that there are times that reality is irrelevant. Few people would find time to think what they really want, career, education, relationship etc, because they’re too scared to face the consequences. If one would only look on the “Consumer-cialization” of education, the point would be more obvious than the sun on a summer noon. Rather than exercise their free will, a lot of people foolishly let themselves be swept away by the trends of society.

Freedom obviously entails risk, and calls for the individual to be responsible for his/her actions. If you want to be able to go out freely on a Saturday night, you have to be responsible of what would happen. Parental permissions, assignments, knife fights, snipers, rape. If you want democracy, engage in healthy socio-political discourses. If you want something to change, go ahead and participate in changing it. A lot of people are clamoring for change and progress, but they’re not willing to get their lazy asses off their couches to contribute, too static not to leave their comfort zones, too scared to stand up for what they really believe in, for what is RIGHT.

Which brings me to another horrible truth: a lot of people don’t really think nowadays.

This ain't good

I took up a colorgenerics test at http://goldinuniverse.com/, twice, and these are the results.
I think I got too identified with Hugh Laurie's character, Dr. House.
This is not good, for now.

***

the first one is:

Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behaviour.

You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going but need to find a person who will recognise the way you are, not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, 'Simpatico'.

You honestly believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, but there seems to be no one around to give you the necessary reassurance and encouragement. You are egocentric. You believe that you are always 'right' - well maybe you are but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

The need for admiration and to be regarded as 'someone special' is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognised as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfil this 'complex' by ensuring you are the centre of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are - not for who you are pretending to be.

the second one is here:

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going but need to find a person who will recognise the way you are, not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, 'Simpatico'.

You honestly believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, but there seems to be no one around to give you the necessary reassurance and encouragement. You are egocentric. You believe that you are always 'right' - well maybe you are but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If its not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.

First Day

Tinatamad talaga akong pumasok kanina. At dahil nga alam kong wala namang saysay ang araw na to sa trabaho ko, nagpasya akong magpadala sa peer pressure nina Boris at Johann kagabi na "magpaantok." Euphemism lang namin yun sa pag-inom ng beer, bale naka-isang mucho kaming tatlo tapos tig-iisang San Mig Light na room temperature. Walang pulutan.

***
Alas siete ang kaisa-isang subject ko kanina. Rizal. Pag-akyat ko sa classroom, walang tao dahil naka-lock ang pinto. Kaya ayun, tumambay muna ako sa library na ilang talampakan lamang ang layo sa room na assigned sa akin. 5, 10, 15, 30mins, 1 hour. Pabalik-balik ako sa room na yon. Wala pa ring tao at hindi bukas ang room. Nang sumapit ang 8:30, bumaba na ako sa faculty room dahil tapos na ang klase ko doon. Eksaktong dating naman ng coordinator ng course na tinuturuan ko, bakit daw wala ako sa classroom. Sinabi ko ang dahilan at ang ginawa ko tungkol doon. Dapat daw kumuha ako ng susi sa guard, eh ano ba namang malay ko doon? Wala rin naman akong pagtatanungan na co-faculty dahil maaga pang masyado at wala rin namang nag-suggest.

***
Dumating naman ang coordinator ko at hinahanap ako, bakit daw wala ako doon sa room kaninang klase ko. Siyempre inulit ko lang yung kinwento ko kanina. Nasisi pa ako kasi 7:00 daw ang klase ko tapos before 7:10 daw ako pumasok dun sa room. Eh hindi nga kasi ako pwedeng pumasok dahil SARADO. Apat hanggang limang beses akong pabalik-balik sa room na yun pero sarado. Kung bakit naman kasi hindi pa nila pinabubuksan eh alam nilang may klase na. At alam ng lahat ng tao sa eskwelahan na first day pa lang kaya wala pang masyadong magpapapasok, orientation pa lang sa klase. Ako pa ang nasisi sa sablay na sistema. Give me a BREAK.

***
Ang galing ng buena-mano ko ngayong semestre, at may pakiwari akong hindi ito ang huli, na masusundan at masusundan pa ito