the "Joyce Dialectic"

Lately I have been reading blogs of people linked to my own. Save from the fact that a considerable number of them hold considerable amounts of statements or stories that implicates ideas I myself disdain, their contents are, in overall, OK. Coincidentally, it's a good thing that most of them write in their blogs as if they're writing in their diaries. These narratives give a view of what they think about what is going on in their environment, and it helps for me to read, if only to know them better, at least triangulation-wise.


Now...

Many of you know that I am currently in progress-- and stalling-- of writing a memoir. This work, if you might want to acknowledge, is not solely about the author (which is what a memoir is essentially about), but also of a person who has preoccupied me during my last days in the university. I would also like to acknowledge that yes, there are perhaps too many memoirs being written by different people so this is not something new, and yes, writing about REAL people and REAL events as opposed to kind-of-made-up ones is shameless and wrong and vile and evil and corrupt. But then again, we could all do worse, like, say American government or that lying bitch in Malacañang.

For all my bluster elsewhere, the memoir is not entirely a work of non-fiction. There are considerable amount of its contents that are being, and has been, fictionalized. Although in the course of the work, I am trying to channel the thoughts that I had during my last days in UST, I have taken certain liberties especially with what I was thinking on certain instances in the narrative. For example, usually, when I am thinking of something while in a certain situation in the memoir, its not that I'm actually thinking of that thought that time. More often than not, those thoughts occurred to me after the situations or events happen, and I only insert such and such for the sake of appearing and sounding articulate because frankly enough, I do not have the skill to write such a work so I have to do such in order for it not to be sooooo boring. Moving on...

The Joyce Dialectic: she being both an inspiration and impediment to the writing of this... this memoir.

The inspiration concept is easy enough, but the impediment... I really can't see a reason reasonable enough for her not to have her name on it. I thought that she liked the idea before, when I let her read the draft. The reason why I let her read it is for APPROVAL, but now that she knows that it might be published this February, she wants none of her real name on it. I thought that it would be OK for her, she extending the meaning of the word generosity and courage by letting her name on it. I am thinking that if that's the case, I would abandon it already. What's the point of writing a memoir if its not based on actual accounts? Oh well... What could be the synthesis of this dialectic?

I cannot write anymore, that's all for now...